There are phrases we say so often they start to sound harmless.
And then one day… you hear them again, and something inside you pauses.
For me, one of those phrases is:
“I love you.”
Not because I don’t love people.
I do.
I do.
Not because love isn’t the highest frequency.
It is.
It is.
But because lately, I’ve noticed how casually those words travel — especially in English-speaking cultures — and how different that feels in my body compared to the language I grew up with.
And it made me ask:
Are we becoming more loving… or are we becoming more comfortable saying loving words without weight?
Or maybe… is it both?
Or maybe… is it both?
This blog is an exploration. Not a judgement. Not a “right or wrong.”
Just a deep dive into something that quietly shapes our relationships, our boundaries, our expectations, and our hearts.
Just a deep dive into something that quietly shapes our relationships, our boundaries, our expectations, and our hearts.
Because words are not just words.
They are energy.
They are agreements.
They are signals.
They are stories we live inside.
They are agreements.
They are signals.
They are stories we live inside.
And love, real love… deserves our presence.
When did “I love you” become so easy to say?
I’ve been surrounded recently by beautiful people — friends, business connections, top leaders in my world, close souls, strangers who feel like family within minutes. And I’ve noticed a trend:
“I love you!”
“Love you!”
“Love you so much!”
“Sending love!”
“I love you, beautiful!”
“Love you!”
“Love you so much!”
“Sending love!”
“I love you, beautiful!”
It’s often genuine. It’s often warm. It’s often well-intended.
And still… there’s a part of me that wonders:
When did “I love you” become a greeting?
When did it become a sign-off?
When did it become a quick emotional emoji in sentence form?
When did it become a sign-off?
When did it become a quick emotional emoji in sentence form?
And then there’s the deeper question:
What happens when the most powerful words in the human heart get used so frequently that we no longer know what they mean?
The Swedish pause: “Jag älskar dig”
This is where my Swedish background really comes in.
Because in Swedish, “I love you” is:
Jag älskar dig.
And those words are… big.
They’re not casual. They’re not automatic. They’re not thrown out to everyone.
They’re not casual. They’re not automatic. They’re not thrown out to everyone.
They carry gravity.
In Swedish culture (in general), “Jag älskar dig” is more often reserved for:
- romantic partners
- deep family bonds
- a love that feels devoted, serious, anchored
So when I hear “I love you” said quickly in English — to someone you met yesterday, to someone you barely know, to someone you’re networking with — my nervous system does a tiny recalibration.
Not because it’s wrong.
But because my inner translation says:
Wait… do you really mean “Jag älskar dig”?
Or do you mean something else?
Or do you mean something else?
Because here’s the thing:
English uses one phrase for many meanings
But other languages often don’t.
And that changes everything.
Language shapes emotional expectations
When one phrase can mean ten different things, we start to get confused — not only linguistically, but emotionally.
Because the heart doesn’t always hear the difference.
When someone says “I love you,” the nervous system can interpret it as:
- You’re safe with me.
- I’m devoted to you.
- I choose you.
- You are important to me.
- You are special.
- I’m attached.
- We are bonded.
Even if the person simply meant:
- I think you’re wonderful.
- I appreciate you.
- I’m being friendly.
- This is a community vibe.
So we end up with a split:
The mouth says one thing.
The heart hears another.
And the nervous system responds to the deeper meaning anyway.
The heart hears another.
And the nervous system responds to the deeper meaning anyway.
That’s why language matters.
It’s not just semantics — it’s biology. It’s attachment. It’s bonding. It’s trust.
“I love you” vs “I really like you” — the fascinating reversal
Another thing I’ve noticed, which is almost ironic:
Sometimes when feelings deepen, people get scared of their own words.
They go from:
“I love you”
to
“I really like you.”
to
“I really like you.”
Have you seen that?
It’s as if “love” felt safe when it was floating — but becomes terrifying when it gets real.
So suddenly, the words get smaller while the feelings get bigger.
And it begs the question:
Are we using “I love you” to avoid vulnerability… and then withdrawing when vulnerability actually arrives?
Because “I love you” can sometimes be said with zero risk…
But saying “I love you” to someone who truly matters?
But saying “I love you” to someone who truly matters?
That’s a whole different frequency.
That’s not a phrase.
That’s exposure.
That’s exposure.
Questions to sit with (and maybe journal on)
Here are some questions that can open this up gently:
- When you say “I love you,” what do you mean?
- When someone says “I love you” to you, what do you automatically assume it means?
- Do you feel safe with those words — or do you feel pressure?
- Do you feel warmth — or do you feel obligation?
- Have you ever said “I love you” because it felt expected?
- Have you ever withheld “I love you” because it felt too vulnerable?
- Have you ever heard “I love you” but felt a disconnect in the energy?
- Do you associate “I love you” with devotion? With intimacy? With responsibility? With danger?
- What did love language look like in your childhood home?
- Were the words spoken often — or rarely?
- If rarely: did that make them feel more valuable, or more difficult to say?
- If often: did that make them feel safe, or did it make them feel meaningless?
Is consciousness changing?
This is the bigger question underneath it all.
Because I do believe we are in a shift.
People are craving connection.
People are craving community.
People are craving belonging.
People are craving community.
People are craving belonging.
In a world that has been isolating, fast, digital, intense… it makes sense that love language has expanded outward.
We want to feel close.
We want to feel human.
We want to feel that we’re not alone.
We want to feel human.
We want to feel that we’re not alone.
So maybe the increase in “I love you” is actually a sign of awakening.
But with awakening also comes refinement.
Because awakening doesn’t just mean “more love.”
It means truer love.
It means truer love.
More conscious love.
More embodied love.
More love with boundaries.
More love with integrity.
More embodied love.
More love with boundaries.
More love with integrity.
Love as frequency… versus love as filler
Here’s where it gets very real.
Sometimes “I love you” is love.
And sometimes… it’s a social lubricant.
A phrase that says:
- “I’m friendly.”
- “I’m safe.”
- “We’re good.”
- “I don’t want tension.”
- “Please like me.”
- “I want to belong.”
- “This is my way of keeping the vibe high.”
None of this makes someone bad.
It makes them human.
It makes them human.
But it does invite us into self-honesty.
Because the question becomes:
Am I saying “I love you” as a true expression — or as a way to manage connection?
That is a powerful thing to reflect on.
The relationship word trap: “We’re relating”
This ties into another language phenomenon I keep noticing:
People say, “We’re relating with everyone.”
And yes, we are.
And yes, we are.
We are always in relationship with life — with friends, with community, with colleagues, with strangers, with nature, with ourselves.
But the word “relationship” has become coded.
If I say:
“I’m in a relationship,”
most people will assume romantic intimacy.
So if I say:
“I’m in a relationship with a friend,”
people may raise an eyebrow.
They might assume something else.
They might project a story that isn’t true.
They might assume something else.
They might project a story that isn’t true.
Again: language shapes assumptions.
And assumptions create confusion.
Which leads to the deeper question:
How often are we living inside assumptions created by language — instead of living inside truth created by clarity?
What do we call love, then?
Maybe part of the answer is expanding our vocabulary.
Because love has many forms — and maybe English-speaking culture has tried to compress them into one phrase.
What if we practiced saying what we actually mean?
Instead of “I love you,” sometimes we mean:
- “I appreciate you.”
- “I adore your spirit.”
- “I’m grateful for you.”
- “I care about you.”
- “I feel connected to you.”
- “You matter to me.”
- “I’m proud of you.”
- “I respect you.”
- “I feel safe with you.”
- “I’m here.”
- “I’m in your corner.”
And when it’s romantic, intimate, sacred, partnered… maybe we mean:
- “I choose you.”
- “I’m committed to you.”
- “My heart is with you.”
- “I’m building with you.”
- “I want to create a life with you.”
- “I desire you.”
- “I am devoted to you.”
- “You are my home.”
The heart loves clarity.
The nervous system loves clarity.
Love doesn’t lose power when you refine language — it gains power.
How do we express love to intimate partners without watering it down?
This is the most tender part.
Because many of us want love that feels:
- safe
- mature
- grounded
- honest
- devoted
- alive
- respectful
- soulful
So here are some deeper questions for partnership love:
- Do my words match my actions?
- Do I say loving words but avoid loving behaviours?
- Do I use love words to bypass conflict?
- Do I say “I love you” and then abandon my boundaries?
- Do I say “I love you” and then fear intimacy?
- Do I want love — or do I want validation?
- Am I ready for the responsibility of being loved well… and loving well?
Because real love isn’t just a feeling.
It’s a practice.
It’s an integrity.
It’s a willingness to be seen.
It’s the courage to communicate.
It’s an integrity.
It’s a willingness to be seen.
It’s the courage to communicate.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do isn’t say “I love you.”
It’s say:
“Let’s be honest.”
“Let’s be clear.”
“Let’s move slowly.”
“Let’s build trust.”
“Let’s honour what this is.”
“Let’s be clear.”
“Let’s move slowly.”
“Let’s build trust.”
“Let’s honour what this is.”
That is love too.
Love doesn’t have to be louder. It has to be truer.
This is where I land.
I’m not against “I love you.”
I adore love.
I adore love.
I just want love to be consciously expressed.
So maybe the invitation is this:
Let’s reclaim the sacredness of our words.
Not by speaking less love — but by speaking love with presence.
Not by speaking less love — but by speaking love with presence.
Because love is not only something we say.
Love is something we are.
Something we embody.
Something we live.
Something we embody.
Something we live.
And when we do say it…
May it be felt.
May it be honest.
May it be aligned.
May it be honest.
May it be aligned.
Because words are spells.
And “I love you” is one of the most powerful spells we have.
Use it with intention.
With heart.
With truth.
— Karin Lioraëna
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